Fablespinners: Literature's Online Open Mic!

"Please come to order! Please come to order!!", the Alcalde, Gordo Funcionario del Gobierno, said again - this time pounding his coffee-cup-cum-gavel to add weight to his words. "Don Pedro, Jefe, that includes you two, also. Please, everyone find yourselves a seat."

Don Pedro reluctantly broke off his grave conversation with Jefe Tienda, owner of the largest transportation company in the area. Although he had several trucks, by far, his greatest horsepower was still of the four-footed kind. The poorly paved roads to an extensive array of dispersed villages still made the pack horse more suitable than the pickup.

Jefe Tienda had been telling Don Pedro the dreadful consequences of a mystery disease affecting the transport animals, not only in the Aldehuela Aburrido Valley, but throughout the country. Daily, reports were sent to the national capitol about seemingly healthy animals suddenly losing weight rapidly, standing in their stalls seemingly asleep just after the evening feeding but lying in their stalls dead the next morning.

At first the anecdotes were disregarded as the propaganda of animal's rights fanatics. When the trickle of reports became a torrent, even the most skeptical politicians embraced the cause for cure. Facts mixed with fear were spreading panic among the owners, no less than through the droves.

Don Pedro had heard the rumors, early of course. Years before, he had read about some deaths, while accidentally reading post cards sent to residents of Veralento from distant relatives. He, as did Jefe Tienda, and most others, dismissed the first reports because it seemed to strike only the sterile mixed offspring of horses and burros. While they had their place in the scheme of things, Don Pedro harbored the belief, and he was not alone in this, that the disease was a punishment from God striking down the unnatural, unholy abominations. It was even jokingly referred to as "Eunuch's Disease."

The joking stopped when it started toppling even the pedigreed thoroughbreds and purebred donkeys. Slowly, the realization came that purebreds who shared food and particularly carrots at the trough risked contracting the disease.

Since it was virtually impossible to stop the sharing, the population demanded the government spend massive amounts of money uncovering the cause and finding a cure.

That was what the night's agenda concerned. The Mayor was to announce important discoveries in the war against Eunuch's Disease

Don Pedro pulled away from his tete-a-tete with Jefe Tienda with a shudder of anxiety. What if this struck Guapo y Aislado? How would he be able to transport the mail? ... and to think that his reward for all the carrots he had forced upon Guapo y Aislado might mean the burro's death and Don Pedro forced to distribute the mail on foot. It was just not fair!

Don Pedro had just about comfortably squirmed himself into a folding chair provided by the Munificent Comodo Furniture Company for the occasion, when the alcalde rapped his gavel again to start the meeting.

"Senores and Senoras, we all know we are gathered here tonight to confront the gravest health crisis we have ever encountered. As your mayor, I want you to know that I have been leading the fight to reveal the cause and find a cure for Eunuch's Disease ever since it's presence was first discovered by our country's distinguished vice-president last month.

You can rest assured the government is doing all it can to protect the health of your horses, mules, donkeys and even, your ass, Senor Blanco. Not to mention, your kids."

Immediately, there arose from the audience shrieks and moans of grief. Senora Fracaso fainted, but quickly regained her composure.

Undeterred, the alcalde proceeded. "Tonight, we are pleased to have in our midst Professor Vacio Cabeza, who has brought with him pamphlets to teach us how to protect our beloveds. So without further ado, I give the stage to you, Professor Cabeza."

There was a smattering of polite applause, but mostly stoney-faces above folded arms on chests and silence due to consideration of the Professor's esteem within the government.

Professor Cabeza unfolded himself from his seat. He was of medium height but too thin. His face formed somewhat of a large oval. He had big, drooping eyes and large, almost long, almost pointed ears. His heavy boots covering ridiculously small feet, clopped noisily on the wooden stage as he strode to the podium.

"Good evening, all. It is my unenviable duty tonight to tell you about this scourge which is cutting down our best and brightest draft animals. I am charged to tell you that while no cure is yet available, huge sums will be planned to be allocated by your government to administer pilot programs geared to prevention and prevention information dissemination.

Your hearts will swell with pride, I am sure, when I tell you that tonight in towns and villages across the length and breadth of our great nation, in large halls and small backrooms, like this, government scientists will hand out to millions of consumers, such as yourselves, these two-color illustrated pamphlets which I am about to give to you. These pamphlets will teach you about the once mystery ailment we have found to be caused by the Equus coli bacteria, whose scientific name is Super E. bola XXIX.

Trillions of pesos spent on research thus far has concluded that Super E. bola is spread by non-casual contact with infected carrots. Apparently, bodily fluids from a stricken animal adheres to mites found on the grounds of barnyards and stalls. When a carrot falls to the ground, the mites selectively attack the outer skin of the carrot and burrow beneath to lay their eggs. It seems that they prefer carrots to all other animal feed, especially corncobs, but sometimes will infest jicama, if carrots aren't available.

When a healthy animal eats an attacked carrot it thereby ingests the bodily fluid coated mite with the Super E. bola. It is that ingesting which gives them the two percent risk of contracting so-called Eunuch's Disease. I would like to state at this juncture, that we at the Government Animal Health Bureau and Board of Tourism, find it less stigmatizing when we call the disease Reproductively Challenged Coli Syndrome, or R. C. Coli Syndrome. We hope with more budgetary allocations to eventually develop a vaccine derived from the killed bacteria, a Killed R.C. Coli, if you please, vaccine.

For now, though, there are several immediate steps you can take to help your animals.

First, don't let your animals share carrots with any unknown jackass, especially if they have been in service at entertainment venues, like circuses or theme parks. The highest concentration of deaths have been among performing animals.

Second, observe good hygiene in the preparation of animal feed. Put the carrots in the feedbag or trough, not thrown on the ground. O.K., I know, just as you do that even after putting the feed directly in the safe areas, Ole Dobbin, will invariably nuzzle it all over the ground and then eat it. That is why the next precaution is so necessary. That is,

Thirdly, always use a barrier method described in the pamphlet to protect the carrots from bodily fluids."

Professor Cabeza probably said a lot more but Don Pedro was thinking so hard upon what he had heard and so hard upon how he might protect Guapo y Aislado that he drifted into a heavy-lidded meditation, so he heard no more. He was startled into awareness by the loud movement of chair legs scraping sawdusted floor and a rise of voice as the meeting adjourned.

Don Pedro got a pamphlet. He read it voraciously.

"Before you all go", a voice called attention to itself; it source was Jefe Tienda. "I want everyone to know that I received a load of the safety protected carrots at my downtown location yesterday afternoon. You can buy these protected and government inspected carrots immediately, for a nominal additional cost."

"I must think of Guapo y Aislado's health, not the additional cost." Don Pedro thought as he paid the four times more for protected carrots than raw corporate-farm grown ones. "Besides, the money invested now would have to be spent anyway on extra worn out shoe leather, if I had to walk my rounds without my precious burro."

True to his inclination and the advice of the government pamphlet, Don Pedro filled Guapo y Aislado's feed trough with protected carrots, after careful washing and disinfecting.

"Look, Senor Aislado, carrots for you. See, each one is protected in a soybean based plastic sheath so you can eat without fear of getting sick. Isn't that wonderful?"

Guapo y Aislado could not believe it. There, in his own trough, almost overflowing, were the largest bunches of beautiful glistening carrots he'd ever seen.

Plunging his face into the midst of the cornucopia, he crunched down on the the first bite of sheathed, inspected, disease-protected carrot.

"YUCK!" It was hideous. The plastic sheathing did more than prevent disease. It did more than block the sweet taste of carrot. It replaced the pleasure with a mildly nauseating bitterness, not to mention, extra chewing, just to choke down the unyielding mass.

"I think I'll stick with this jicama over here.", he mused, nibbling on an errant stalk he found on the ground.


To be continued . . .